No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
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She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
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Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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