Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
