Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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