You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
high people should be assigned attendants
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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