Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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