his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So vagazzling was a success
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