I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
