I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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