u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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