We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
