I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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