Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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