You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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