Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
