Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Boobs speak an international language.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
