I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
