oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
