I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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