its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
In other news, I just burned my penis
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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