I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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