I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Your cock deserves a montage
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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