I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
