All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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