why didn't you poke me back
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
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He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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