I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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