You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
