Porn is love you can see.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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