"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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