nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
