somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
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The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
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My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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