How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
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Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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