from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
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the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
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Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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