That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
