Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
