Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
