Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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