Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
