wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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