worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
