Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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