I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
