I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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