omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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