Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
