i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
