In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
