In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
