I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
