After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
