i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
