Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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