I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
