I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
