If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
