When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
