just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
of course. lets lasso hookers.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
