I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
