Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't deserve a penis
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
