Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Banned from zoo.
Again?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
