and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
