A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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