Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
