We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize