Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
