Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
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This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
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I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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