I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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