Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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