i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
