I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
