you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
