Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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