Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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