Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
