This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
