You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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