I hate your face
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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