I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
