tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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