my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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